Today’s offering is Brianna Reid Canacari, a 12-year-old girl from Cenntenial, Colorado who, on June 16th, 2010, moved her hand…
The day our world CRASHED
On June 16th our daughter Brianna played a game and it ended her life at the age of 12, at first we thought suicide because she had hung herself in the closet with her feet touching, as the days and weeks went by we heard of a game that kids were playing that has been around for decades, but now kids were playing this game on their own and it is killing them. I have seen so many stories just like Brianna, these kids are great kids and have not signs of depressen, they have a good life and are happy kids. Please talk to your kids about the choking game . This is a troubling story that has to be shared.
The morning of the June 16th I came in her room like every morning and said good morning and how are you, I saw her beautiful smile and we giggled. I will never forget that morning, I took a shower to get ready for my day, after I got out I heard our dog barking and went to Brianna’s room to let him out, but I could not get in the door was locked, I banged on the door as loud as I could and called her name, her Dad went through the other door in her room, then I heard a loud wrenching scream that I have never heard before, all I could remember was my Husband trying to get Brianna down from the closet, I saw my daughter with a pale face and blue lips, Daddy was trying to breathe life back into her. I was in such a panic I could not even dial a phone number I did not know what to dial, so all I could do was run to my neighbor pound on the door for help. All I remember was running around screaming ”SAVE MY BABY” My Husband got a pulse and the paramedics brought her back. I feel awful because Brianna’s sister had to see her lifeless body as she tried to help her Dad, I was in too much shock. I do not remember the ride to the hospital very well, we got there and we saw our beautiful daughter hooked up to all kinds of stuff and a lot of people hovering over her, they needed to airlift her to Childrens Hospital we walked out and I saw them taking my Daughter to the helicopter, I wanted to be with her I did not want to leave her. The next 4 days would seem like a lifetime, we arrived at Children’s hospital hoping for a miracle, I did not sleep or eat for 48 hrs, I held her hand and looked at my beautiful daughter hooked up to all kinds of stuff, her face was not a face of our beautiful skinned baby, but of a little girl in pain. It was the hardest thing to do watching our daughter lay there and fight for her life. It all started to seem like a dream, Chris and I would try and take a break, I got to the point where I thought we were like all the other parents in ICU just that our daughter was very sick and that we would be in the hospital for a while and then bring her home. We had so many friends and family come to see Brianna and I stood strong making sure everyone else was ok. On June 18th we got the news we did not want to hear, that our daughter had no brain activity, although she was breathing on her own over the ventilator and her heart was beating on its own, she had already gone, I remember on Thursday asking her if she could just hold on a little longer, she listened because by friday she was no longer on any medication, she was no longer in a drug induced coma but her own natural state, she was no longer having brain seizers, she looked like our beautiful Baby, her skin was beautiful, she looked so peaceful like she was sleeping, I wanted her to wake up. We continued to keep her with us until that Saturday, we wanted friends and family to come say good-bye. Nurse Beth and I prepared Brianna, I got to wash her hair for the last time and caress my beautiful daughter, I combed it like I did when she was little. Kayla (her big sister) put a little make-up and a bow in her hair and put on her favorite lotion, she layed next to her sister and held her so hard and if Kayla could stay there forever she would.
On Saturday a little after 8pm the pastor came in and we all gathered by Brianna’s bedside, there were so many tears and I could not believe this was happening, the room was filled with love and you could feel Brianna’s love for us. After that we were just numb!
We watched as they prepared Brianna to go to the operating room so she would be able to give life to others. My Husband and I walked in the operating room where it was sterile and everything was covered in blue. I could not believe this would be the place where my Husband and I would watch our daughter take her last breath. We sat at her head and touched her face and stroked her hair and told her how much we loved her, I could not see very well as the tears were flowing down my face, as they are now writing this, it was peaceful in the room and we could feel the love and support. It seemed like forever that we were in that room, everyone in there made it easier, I did not know what to expect, but there were no machines beeping just music, she did not make any sounds, we just saw the color in her face change from her beautiful soft brown to pale and white, we knew at that moment that she was leaving us, and all I could see was her whole life flash in front of me, I saw the day she was born and how beautiful she was, I saw her walk for the first time, I saw her at her first day of school, I saw her kissing and hugging me good-night. It did not take long and she was finally at peace. We are proud that she was a donor and found out she saved three people in Colorado with her kidneys and liver we hope to meet them someday.
Our beautiful Brianna passed away at 11:17 pm on June 19th just before Fathers Day.
We left and went back to the room we were numb because our life just ended. How would we cope with this? How would we live our life without Brianna? How would we be able to wake up, eat, smile,? All these things rushing through my mind.. It was not real. We packed everything up, the letters, animals and pictures that people brought, we decided to go home we had no reason to stay our baby was gone. I walked out of your room and stared, sobbing knowing I would never come in here and see you, I felt like we had been in that room forever, I then stared down the long hall that I walked so many times and knew I would never walk this hall again to touch you, to hold you, to talk to you.
We got in the car, as we drove away from the hospital I felt a harsh pain “REALITY” my body felt like jello all I could do is stare out the window and wonder WHY?
Daddy knew when he first found you that you were not going to go like that, he fought so so hard to keep you with us, we were not ready to tell you good-bye, Daddy wanted to give you every chance that you deserved and he was going to fight like Hell to do that.
Our days to follow would be numb trying to make sense of it all. From the beginning we knew we would be on a Mission for the rest of our lives to help others. This is what Brianna did, she was a healer and helped others when nobody else would, her smile would make your legs feel like jello, her eyes would pierce through you with joy.
We do not know why she did this and we never will, in my heart I believe she did not mean it, I do not think she knew the outcome would be forever, she thought she would just pass out and then she would wake up again. We all knew she was strong but she had a the softest heart and that is what some people did not realize, she was only 12.
I have heard since this that kids play the “choking game” they pass out for a high, I am not sure if this is what Brianna was doing? and if it was these kids are not letting other kids know that you will die from this, this is not the way to go, I know she wanted to live, she was afraid to die, and only wanted to live life to the fullest. I remember when school got out she told me she was ready to move, she was ready to start new life and leave all the drama and bullshit behind, we were just waiting for school to get out.. she was only out of school a week in a half. We never thought our daughter would have so much pain that she would want to leave us.
We are reaching out to schools, parents, children and the media to get our story out and create awareness. The stigma of suicide is why we are here today, I did not know that suicide in Colorado is the second leading cause of death in our children. The Canacari family will not have the stigma, we are speaking and we are speaking LOUD. Do not think this cannot happen to you because it can. We saw no warning signs, Brianna was not depressed and she was very happy, I know that she hated the world that we live in, all of the pain she saw, the animals being hurt, and people just treating other people like shit really bothered her, was she bullied? I do not think so, yes some people in her life said some very awful things to her, but they will have to live with that, am I sounding harsh? am I pointing blame? NO but it is the fact that there are some mean people in this world and they are closer then you think. She was a kind-hearted kid but not afraid to stick up for what she believed, and some people could not handle that a 12 yr old kid would have more sense and life then they ever would. Brianna had an old soul and I believe she just did not know how to deal with that, she was so wise and amazed me all the time with her thought process and the way she saw things. Brianna lived life for that day, she told you she loved you that day and she did it with passion, I am sure we will all learn something from Brianna and we will be better people because of it. I AM SO PROUD TO BE HER MOTHER! We are now on a life long mission in honor of our beautiful daughter, we have started
The B.R.I foundation: Breathing~Reassurance~Into Teen
Creating awareness about teen suicide, our children are our future and they are dying, we must stop this cycle and SPEAK out. This may or may not change people, but guess what you better wake up! trust me you do not want to go through what we are. If you know anyone who has thoughts of suicide you must speak out!!! you could be the person that saves your friend, family member or even a stranger.
Please help us on this journey we need your help, Brianna is now living through me and as her Mom I will continue her journey, and to do that I am speaking to our communities, schools where ever I can. If you would like me to share our story or if you would like to help please contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org or call 303.305.9981
“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, but love leaves a memory no one can steal”
we love you Baby Always and Forever
10-3-97 – 6-19-10