Facebook Statuses

Since I had to clean out my Facebook, here are some of my statuses…

October 22, 2011

“Life sucks when you piss off and disappoint everyone who matters to you (well, except my kids…they’re thrilled…)”

 

Oct 19, 2011

“I know it will disappoint and piss off everyone, but I just cant do it anymore. I hope some day you will all understand.”

 

Oct 16, 2011

“Spent the weekend with my kids and my ex, ended up crying all the way home. I can’t do this anymore.”

 

Oct 13, 2011

“I knew today would be a bad day. My mother has been dead 2 years, I have a power bill I can’t pay, my kids still want me to come back, and my ex is ragging on me for my job…”

Aug 29, 2010

“Three hours later, I’m still here. And only because I’m a coward without the guts to do what needs to be done.”

Aug 29, 2011

“Well, now, according to my ex, I suffer from Passive-Aggressive behavior, that I have borderline personality disorder, and that my biggest problem is taking responsibility for my actions.”

 

Aug 21, 2011

“Yeah, so I’m home. And I can’t help but to feel like I’m just a selfish cunt who deserves any and every bad thing that has ever happened to me. My grandmother and my grandfather would be so disgusted with me. Everyone else says they aren’t disgusted, but that’s because I’m so unstable they’re afraid to tell me what they really think of me, afraid of what I’ll do.”

 

Aug 13, 2011

“First time in years I’ve been tipsy, and I miss it so much. I know I shouldn’t do it, but I’m so tired of everything. I’m tired of having to wonder what the hell I did to make God and the rest of the world hate me so much. I’m tired of being alone.”

Jul 15, 2011

“I hate my fucking life. Someone please just shoot me and put the world out of my misery!”

Jul 11, 2011

“According to my ex’s attorney, I hold men in contempt for wanting to have sex. Um…I love sex, THANK YOU. But either I go back to being a Masochist, or nature finds a way to stop the pain!”

May 18, 2011

“Every man carries a circle of Hell around his head like a halo. Every man, every man has to go through Hell to reach his paradise.”

May 2, 2011

‎”For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are those ‘It might have been.”

May 26, 2011

“Asshole has told me he won’t let me talk to my kids, and that they are going to abandon the house and move out of state. I told him I would have the FBI hunt his ass down if he does. I can’t stop shaking…”

Apr 11, 2011

“Well, had my meeting with my Pro Bono attorney today for the hearing for SSD next week. Went to get my meds at the same time since they’re only a few blocks from each other. Have an actual counseling for ME appointment next month. Thus ends the “good” stuff…(I literally cried the entire 2 1/2 hours riding the bus home.) 12 hours of hell, and I just want to curl up and cry myself to sleep and never wake up.”

Feb 15, 2011

“I hate having to ride the bus. It always makes me think of the man who got my mother pregnant. Not as bad as having to bear his last name, but still.”

Feb 14, 2011

“Here’s how shitty a mother I am: I’m sitting here, on my day to call, and I’m debating if it would do more harm than good to try to call. After the reaming I got Saturday about how I need to either move out of state and shack up with someone, go back or just die, I’m literally terrified of what would happen if I called today…”

Dec 12, 2010

“We didn’t fight this weekend, though Tana was still carrying on about me going back. Niko surprisingly didn’t mention it. We ate, watched Red vs Blue. When they were leaving, Niko was going to borrow “Black Seas of Infinity” (Lovecraft, all the stories that have to do with C’thulhu), only Michael threw a fit about only morally ambiguous people would like it. So he didn’t take the book.”

Oct 18, 2010

“My son’s puppy, Shepard, just died. He was only a few months old. Katana doesn’t know yet; Niko was sitting with him for about an hour before he stopped breathing. I want to be able to hold him, but he’s already blaming me because they had to stay Saturday night, and it was time they could have been with the puppy.”

Oct 8, 2010

“Court update: Michael was given official Primary Physical custody, we still have joint legal. My time was changed from 10-4 every 3rd Sat/Sun of the month, to 4pm Sat to 4pm Sun, every 3rd weekend of the month. So that means, after next weekend, I won’t have them again for another 5 weeks.”

Oct 2, 2010

“If you really knew me, you would know that I am terrified all the time. Terrified that I will die friendless and alone like my mother. Terrified that even though my ex was abusive that I won’t be strong enough to stay away because of my kids. Terrified that my son will continue to hate me and believe the lies his father tells him. Terrified that my daughter will be hurt in all the ways that I was. Terrified that I deserved all the times I was raped and molested because of something I did; I can accept that once might be someone else’s fault, two different people maybe, but after that, you have to look at the common denominator in all of them, and it’s just me, so it has to be my fault.”

Sept 14, 2010

“Off to counseling with the kids. It won’t be pretty either, since Michael let them go to the midnight opening for Halo Reach and let them stay up so they didn’t go to school. (And they are going to be pissy about not being able to play cause they have to come to counseling.)”

Sep 3, 2010

“Well, just got Michael’s email response, and he is only paying for 2 counseling sessions, the rest will have to come from me. I knew that it was my responsibility as ordered by the judge, so I wasn’t surprised when Michael said that he won’t pay for more than those 2 sessions. He tried to bait me a few times, and it was sheer will that kept me from responding to it.”

Aug 10, 2010

“I was right; he did try to paint me as a disabled, mentally unstable threat (he actually had the nerve to say that the only reason I never beat my kids was because there was always someone around to keep me in check!) I have never been so happy about him just showing up than I am about Saturday: he came over with the kids at 9pm and woke me up to play a board game.”

Aug 9, 2010

“Well, I just got off the phone with him again. He decided that since I wasn’t going to budge on going to court, that he was going to “pull out all the stops”. He said “I swore I wouldn’t take the kids away from you, but you leave me no choice”. He had Tana tell me she misses me but she doesn’t want to be around me.”

Aug 7, 2010

“Well, it’s started: Michael called me a few times already today; first he wanted to know if he was picking me up for court on Tuesday?! Then I got the rant about how he doesn’t approve of any of this, and it was like “Duh!! Why do you think I’m taking you to court in the first place!!!””

Jul 23, 2010

“I want to apologize to all of the people who have friended me on here. I honestly didn’t mean to, but I was apparently just using you all to make me feel like I mattered to someone. I made you all think I was this beaten down victim, but I’m the one who’s evil.
I’m so sorry for any trouble I may have caused any of you.”

Jun 18, 2010

“Well, I’m over here to be with my kids, and got to suffer the lecture about how if I didn’t live my apartment, I could have saved all that money. That because of me, we’ve wasted over $50,000 that could have gone to our kids’ future, vacations, etc. He shut up when I started packing up to go home. And people wonder why I don’t come to see my kids more often.”

Aug 13, 2009

“Apparently I hit toxic levels on Lithium, and the doctors pulled me off of it. Now I get to deal with the DTs.”
 

About Kristi Deming

RAFO

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